I hope this IS a trigger for you. That way we can fix it rather than ignore it because “That’s just the way I am” is trash and an excuse. 🙄 You are more than capable of unlearning unhealthy habits and patterns. It’s about being aware and CHOOSING to become a better version of yourself.
Some of you are literally running away good men and women because of your insecurities and past hurt. I know what it’s like to have trust issues while trying to love again. And I also know what it’s like to blame someone for your past, when they had nothing to do with it. It’s not fair to them and you’re only running them away. 🤦🏽♀️
Here are the signs that you’re the problem:
- Carrying your past (trauma/unhealthy habits) into your current relationship. Unwilling to unlearn old patterns/ways of being.
Always the talker and never the listener. Comparing your partner to others.
It’s ok when you do it, but it’s not ok when they do it. You’re never wrong nor admit to your flaws.
You’re always negative when they bring up a new idea. You avoid engaging in their fav hobbies they ask you to occasionally partake in.
You’re never receptive to constructive criticism. You avoid confrontation and tough conversations.
You complain instead of communicating. You constantly vent to others about your relationship issues.
You bring up things that happened in the past (last week is the past!) during an argument. You constantly bring up things you forgave them for.
Here’s what you can do about it 🙃
- Try to understand past triggers
- Talk about them and work through them
- If there’s a disagreement, stay with the topic TODAY, not what happened months ago
- Communicate your needs with your partner, don’t assume they know Encourage & support your partner
- Own up to your faults and make changes
- Be quick to listen and slow to respond
If you don’t talk about it, it’s only gonna get bottled up and the problems will continue. Have the tough conversations. Admit when you’re wrong, APOLOGIZE, leave room for growth and work hard to show up in your relationship. Oh, and ask your partner often, “Are you happy with me?”. The answer hasn’t always been a yes for me but it allowed:
– A safe space for my husband to express how he felt
– A moment for me to self-reflect and work on my flaws
– An opportunity to love my husband better
A perfect relationship doesn’t exist, but good ones are created with the help of both partners, being aware, and choosing to love the right way.