Last week I started the “Are YOU the problem in your relationship??” series. In case you missed it, red flags 1-4 were:
- Carrying your past into your current relationship
- Always being the talker and never the listener
- It’s ok when you do it, but it’s not ok when he does it
- You’re always negative when he brings up a new idea
This week, we’re getting into red flags 5-10!
Red Flag #5: You’re never receptive to constructive criticism
I know, I know. Who honestly wants to hear bad things about themselves? It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I’ll tell you like I tell my Fiancé: I’m here to make you better. I am always coming from a good place and want the best for you.
Try this: Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and know that they’re not attacking you, but with love, they’re being honest with you and wanting the best for you.
Red Flag #6: It’s what you say and how you say it
9/10 it’s not what we say but how we say it.
Try this: Think before you speak and choose your words wisely. You can even ask your partner: “Was it a better way for me to say that? Would you prefer me to say x rather than z?” This helps to meet your partner where they feel comfortable and open to receive constructive criticism. Asking these questions also shows empathy and respect for him.
Red Flag #7: You complain instead of communicating
You’ve heard it before, communication is key.
Try this: Please don’t assume your partner will always know what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling and what you need. Assuming is a big NO. Instead, communicate your needs. You’ll find yourself going off on him and he’s confused AF because not once did you communicate that.
Red Fag #8: You’re stubborn
My Fiancé will tell you – I’m the first to apologize, every time. 1. I love him too much to stay mad for too long. 2. I’m usually the one who “started” something lol and I quickly apologize for the way I said something, for not listening or for making him feel a certain way, (even though it was never my intention).
Try this: Own up to your faults – it’s ok to be wrong, as long as you right them. Some things just aren’t even as big as we make them. Talk about it. LET IT GO! Move on. Agree to disagree. Do what you need to do to remove the tension, create positive vibes, and avoid something lingering on longer than it has to. Being too stubborn in your relationship to fix it and let it go, is an unhealthy trait.
Red Flag #9: You bring up old things during an argument
See this is what we’re not gonna do. Something you both apologized for, forgave each other for and because emotions are high, you bring up an example from the past of something else that pissed you off??? BIG NO!
Try this: Stay on the matter at hand – not from last week, last month or last year. If it was a problem THEN, you should’ve addressed it THEN. Bringing it up now will create an even bigger argument. And avoid using “you always” – 80% of the time they probably don’t “always” and this is a trigger word.
Red Flag #10: You have a habit of comparing him to other people
Ok, see no. To compare him is basically saying you admire something from someone else and you wish he had/did what so and so does. Imagine if he compared you to someone else. It is devaluing and disrespectful – to say the least.
Try this: Don’t compare him to NOBODY.
Is there something I didn’t mention that you need a solution for? Book a free call with me. Happy to help!
With Love –