Are YOU the problem in your relationship??

You know I’m always on your side girl, but right is right and wrong is wrong ?

I know it’s easier to point the finger outward rather than inward, but we have to check ourselves too! That’s actually really healthy for your relationship – righting your wrongs and owning up to your faults. Check out the red flags below and ways you can avoid being “the problem”.

Red flag #1: Carrying your past into your current relationship

This is a no go. It’s unfair to the other person and it’s unhealthy for your relationship. I noticed I was bringing my past trust issues into my relationship and I had to stop, ASAP!

Try this:

1. I realized what my triggers were and I communicated that with my Fiancé. (Knowing your triggers are life changing!)

2. I prayed about it. Every insecurity, every bad memory and every trigger. I asked God for newness, a new mind and peace. I also asked God to recreate me for the man that was in front of me. This prayer was a constant reminder of: he is not my past. 

Red Flag #2: Always the talker and never the listener

Ouch. That used to be me too sis, so I’m not judging. (I’m still working on some things!) 

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Try this:

1. Listen to understand, not always to respond. When you intentionally listen, sometimes there is no response. But if you continue to cut them off, it’ll just go back and forth because no one’s point is getting across OR you’ve jumped in front of them in the midst of making their point. Now voices are raised and etc. etc.

2. Note: A listener is more powerful than a talker.

Red Flag #3: It’s ok when you do it, but it’s not ok when he does it

Girl, what? ? Ok, see no lol Mama always said men can’t handle what they dish out, but that goes for women as well.

Try this:

  1. If you don’t want it done to you, simply don’t do it to them. Otherwise, keep that same energy when the shoe is on the other’s foot! ??

2. (But why play these games? Just give and be what you want in return!) ?

Red Flag #4: Are you always negative when he brings up a new idea?

Your partner wants and needs you to be their biggest fan. They trust you with their weaknesses and insecurities. The LAST person they want to feel like isn’t in their corner, is their partner.

Try this: 

1. Encourage your partner! Motivate them! Speak life into them! ??

2. Ask them questions about their new ideas and shower with them with words of affirmation. Examples: I love it! That’s a great idea. You’re so smart and creative. I think that would be perfect for your personality. 

3. Note: Words of affirmation is a beautiful love language!

Next Taraji P Henson GIF by Empire FOX - Find & Share on GIPHY

Coming up Next Week: Red Flags #5 – #8 ‼️

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With Love –